Part 13: The First Time I Got Trusted With Something Big (and Thought I Wasn't Ready)
How a "small" Linux deployment made me question everything—and helped me finally level up.
Let me set the scene.
For one week, I wrestled with a printer that printed everything in Comic Sans. The following week, I was handed a project that mattered.
It started with five simple words:
"Can you own this deployment?"
And my brain instantly short-circuited.
Me? Own? A whole deployment?
Are we talking "own", like driving it like a rental, or "own," as if this goes south, it's 100% my fault?
It wasn't a massive job by seasoned engineer standards — just a Linux server rollout for a small department. Install, configure, document, and try not to set anything on fire.
But to me?
They asked me to build the ISS using only a command line and a slice of pizza.
The Internal Panic
On the outside, I said, "Yeah, no problem."
On the inside?
I was sweating through my undershirt, wondering if I should Google:
"How to deploy Linux servers without crying."
Every night leading up to rollout day, my mind played a nonstop highlight reel of doom:
What if I misconfigure something and take down the network?
What if I forget the sudo and get roasted in Slack?
What if I SSH into the wrong server and shut down the office coffee machine?
I even dreamed I created a loop in the network and trapped the company in a never-ending ping.
Imposter Syndrome: Fully Activated
Nobody talks about this part enough — when you stop being the "new guy" and start getting trusted.
Because while it feels like a win, it also feels like someone handed a raccoon the keys to the data center.
Me? Trusted?
Like… the same dude who once spent 25 minutes trying to plug in a DisplayPort cable upside down?
But Here's What Happened
I started with what I did know:
Broke the project into smaller chunks
Made a checklist (then made a backup checklist… and printed it)
Googled everything I didn't understand (which was… a lot)
Asked questions, even if I thought they were dumb
(They weren't — everyone else just forgot that stuff too)
One line at a time. One install at a time.
One "well that didn't work... let's try again" at a time.
And then…
It worked.
No outages.
No angry emails.
There should be no emergency Slack pings that start with "quick question" (which are never quick and always multiple questions).
I documented the whole thing, handed it off, and watched my manager approve.
One engineer even said:
"Clean work, Kevin."
I swear I floated out of that room like I just won a Nobel Prize in YAML.
I mentally high-fived every past version of me who stayed up late breaking things in VirtualBox.
What That Moment Meant
That moment flipped a switch.
Before that, I thought confidence came after I knew everything.
Turns out, confidence comes when you do something scary and realize:
You survived.
It comes from:
Breaking things in your lab until they make sense
Fixing real stuff in the wild
Getting things wrong, then learning the right way
Googling like a pro while pretending you didn't Google it
Sometimes, it comes from being thrown into the deep end and figuring out how to dog-paddle with grep and a Hail Mary script.
If You're Handed Something Big Before You Feel Ready
Say yes.
Even if your stomach flips. Even if your internal monologue is just one long "uhhh…"
Because that's where growth happens.
You'll never feel 100% ready.
You'll always feel like someone else could do it better.
But when does someone trust you?
That's your green light to level up.
So go ahead — take the ticket. Start the rollout. Own the thing.
Even if your terminal history looks like a panic attack in Bash.
Even if it takes five cups of coffee, two YouTube videos, and one silent prayer to get through it.
Because when it's done — and it works —
You won't just be the new guy anymore.
You'll be the one who made it work.
And that? That's the beginning of everything.
Coming Up Next: Part 14 – The Moment I Finally Felt Like I Belonged in Tech
Spoiler: It had nothing to do with passing a cert. It was when someone asked me for help, and didn't hover behind me the whole time.
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Your Turn
Have you had your "Can you own this?" moment yet?
What happened when you finally got trusted with something real?
Please share your story in the comments. Let's normalize the "oh crap, this is real" phase of IT growth.